He'd hurt his cousin's feelings already. Maedhros felt his heart sink, but he looked away, searching for a room they could go to to really talk. But he found he couldn't look away from Fingon for more than a breath or two.
"Yes. It was...I am glad to be back." Nothing he said came out right. "We...should talk. Is that spot still near?" Their spot. Their special place to meet. He'd not dared go, for fear of finding it destroyed.
"It is. Undisturbed." Fingon wasn't sure how that was but somehow it was as they had left it their last day in Tirion when they had sneaked off to have one last time with each other. No one could find them there.
Fingon had often spent time there when he had returned but it wasn't the same when he was alone. He turned to lead the way and it didn't take long for them to reach that spot. He knew the way by heart.
Once he was sure no one was nearby he sat on one of the cushions looking at Maedhros. "I'm happy to see you again, Maedhros."
Maedhros just nodded and followed, relieved it was still safe.
He sank down on the cushion he'd once used. Just looking around told him Fingon had come here on his own, and it brought a faint smile to his lips. Fond memories, before all the pain that had followed.
"I am too!" It near exploded out of him, no doubt of the honesty there. "Forgive me!" Finally he could ask that. "I do not blame you if you cannot," hastily. But this was the other half of his heart, he had to ask for that forgiveness.
"Forgive you? There is nothing to forgive. I never blamed you," Fingon assured him quickly. "It's me who should apologize- I should have been stronger and been able to hold out on my own," he said as he looked away. Maedhros was his other half, how could he have caused him that pain?
"I can't imagine what I put you through after my death," he said quietly as he looked up at Maedhros.
Breath shuddered out of him and he bowed his head, letting it hang before he shook his head sharply. "I was too late. I should have moved faster." Somehow. He'd near killed his horse in his haste.
Hesitant, so much shyer than normal, Maedhros inched his way closer, unable to keep from looking at Fingon now that they were so close. Now that no one was around to watch and judge.
"That does not matter now." Firm. He didn't want to talk about how broken Fingon's death had made him. How that one thing had brought him down when even Morgoth and Sauron had failed.
"You have a chance to be happy here now," Fingon said with a smile, deciding that it was best to leave the past alone for now. He wouldn't hold Maedhros to any vows made in a previous life.
He didn't pull away though, smiling at his once partner. "That's all I want for you- you deserve a chance at peace now that you are reunited with so many of our kin."
He reached out to take his cousin's hand affectionately. "Just promise me you'll at least try to find happiness?"
Emboldened, he kept inching closer until their knees nudged together. He unconsciously made a face, wrinkling nose and mouth as he entwined their fingers and clasped Fingon's hand with both of his.
"You speak as if you doubt I wish another, when I still cannot see myself with any but you." Fingon had ruined him for anyone else. "The only question is...will you still have me?" The question he'd been afraid to ask since his rebirth and return to Tirion.
"You will always have my heart, Maitimo." He said it without hesitation. "I gave it to you when I came of age and it's always been yours." Fingon could not imagine his life without his other half but if Maedhros had wanted to be free, it would have grieved him but he would have let him go for his cousin's happiness.
"I know we will have to wait until you come of age though," he said with a soft smile.
Relief flooded through him and his eyes closed, smile forming. "You stole mine long ago and I would never wish for it back." Why would he want to be free of Fingon?
He brought Fingon's hand up to brush a kiss to the back of it. "For some things. Even just this is enough for now."
"Your father was worried about my father stealing something precious when I stole a greater treasure- your heart. But I will keep it safe in my keeping," Fingon laughed softly.
"I agree- I won't avoid you until you turn your first century." Fingon still had a few decades until he reached his first century as well so it would be as if they were courting once more.
"Father never realized what you cared most about," but they'd known. Fingon before Maedhros, but it had been impossible to ignore the sweet little cousin who followed at his heels and sang so sweetly for him.
"Nor will I avoid you." Not now that they'd bumped into the other. "I have not yet gone riding since returning. Would you like to go? Or stay here a while longer?"
"Can we stay here a little longer? Maybe we can go riding after dinner under the stars," Fingon suggested with a blush on his cheeks. It had been one of his favorite things to sneak off with Maedhros after dinner though back in those days it was under a silver sky.
At least this time they wouldn't need to sneak off. Finarfin had told him that he had known, as did his aunt and other family members.
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"Yes. It was...I am glad to be back." Nothing he said came out right. "We...should talk. Is that spot still near?" Their spot. Their special place to meet. He'd not dared go, for fear of finding it destroyed.
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Fingon had often spent time there when he had returned but it wasn't the same when he was alone. He turned to lead the way and it didn't take long for them to reach that spot. He knew the way by heart.
Once he was sure no one was nearby he sat on one of the cushions looking at Maedhros. "I'm happy to see you again, Maedhros."
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He sank down on the cushion he'd once used. Just looking around told him Fingon had come here on his own, and it brought a faint smile to his lips. Fond memories, before all the pain that had followed.
"I am too!" It near exploded out of him, no doubt of the honesty there. "Forgive me!" Finally he could ask that. "I do not blame you if you cannot," hastily. But this was the other half of his heart, he had to ask for that forgiveness.
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"I can't imagine what I put you through after my death," he said quietly as he looked up at Maedhros.
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Hesitant, so much shyer than normal, Maedhros inched his way closer, unable to keep from looking at Fingon now that they were so close. Now that no one was around to watch and judge.
"That does not matter now." Firm. He didn't want to talk about how broken Fingon's death had made him. How that one thing had brought him down when even Morgoth and Sauron had failed.
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He didn't pull away though, smiling at his once partner. "That's all I want for you- you deserve a chance at peace now that you are reunited with so many of our kin."
He reached out to take his cousin's hand affectionately. "Just promise me you'll at least try to find happiness?"
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"You speak as if you doubt I wish another, when I still cannot see myself with any but you." Fingon had ruined him for anyone else. "The only question is...will you still have me?" The question he'd been afraid to ask since his rebirth and return to Tirion.
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"I know we will have to wait until you come of age though," he said with a soft smile.
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He brought Fingon's hand up to brush a kiss to the back of it. "For some things. Even just this is enough for now."
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"I agree- I won't avoid you until you turn your first century." Fingon still had a few decades until he reached his first century as well so it would be as if they were courting once more.
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"Nor will I avoid you." Not now that they'd bumped into the other. "I have not yet gone riding since returning. Would you like to go? Or stay here a while longer?"
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At least this time they wouldn't need to sneak off. Finarfin had told him that he had known, as did his aunt and other family members.