[Astaldo snuggled up to his husband, slowly petting Harya gently.]
I dreamed I was out riding with Aredhel, back in Valinor. I couldn't catch her, she was always just in front of me and I kept reaching out- and right before I woke she vanished as if she had never been there.
(He knows the feeling, though he is lucky to have Etyangol. Tambë feels helpless where their siblings are concerned. He whispers against his lover's hair:)
You will, love. The Fëanorians do not deserve to be reunited, but my Fingon deserves to see his brothers and sister.
But my Maitimo deserves to see his mother at least. I know you must miss her every day. [And mothers are special. He would never believe that anyone didn't believe to be with their mother.]
Sometimes I imagine our mothers are waiting for us, keeping each other company and waiting on the shore.
...I do. Ammë is precious to me. I saw her shed more than a few tears over our choices. (And he doesn't want to remind her of dark times.) I hope they are keeping one another company. Ammë deserves that. She was wise; we should have allied with her.
When I said good bye to my mother, she told me that nothing could make her stop loving me. No matter how far I went, even when I made mistakes, I would still be her son. I am sure your mother feels the same.
[He teared up a little at the though, burying his face against his husband's chest.]
Because, my Finno, you are a son to make a mother proud. Your heart... Your mind... Are good. (He pales and looks away, unwilling to tell Astaldo that he feels he, personally, is the opposite. His heart and mind are twisted, corrupted.)
She knew - ? (He cups one of Astaldo's cheeks, his thumb brushing over his cheekbone.) Then I shall tell her the truth of where I stand. It would be rude to avoid her.
I think she did. I remember how she always told me that I should hold to what I felt in my heart, even when it was difficult. She never wanted me to pretend to be anyone else.
[He just worried if Fingolfin would have been so accepting. While his father wasn't cruel, there was too much history between him and Feanor.]
Her heart is like yours. So beautiful and accepting. (Tambë presses a kiss to Astaldo's chest, nuzzling close.) I love you the way you are, Finno. I will prove my loyalty to her and your father if he will give me a chance.
You make me happy- that is important to them. [Despite everything else, he knew that Fingolfin wouldn't deny his children something -or someone- who made them happy.]
He and my mother always told us to go after our hearts and never settle, that even if we couldn't have what or who we wanted, if we settled for something else it would make us unhappy in the end.
As it is to any parent. (Tambë doesn't doubt that about Fingolfin.) I will show them through my actions how I love you. That is the best I can give them.
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Date: 2016-05-06 05:02 am (UTC)I dreamed I was out riding with Aredhel, back in Valinor. I couldn't catch her, she was always just in front of me and I kept reaching out- and right before I woke she vanished as if she had never been there.
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Date: 2016-05-06 05:15 am (UTC)You miss her.
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Date: 2016-05-06 05:25 am (UTC)I know I'll see them again some day.
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Date: 2016-05-06 05:35 am (UTC)You will, love. The Fëanorians do not deserve to be reunited, but my Fingon deserves to see his brothers and sister.
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Date: 2016-05-06 06:04 am (UTC)Sometimes I imagine our mothers are waiting for us, keeping each other company and waiting on the shore.
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Date: 2016-05-06 06:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-05-06 06:24 am (UTC)[He teared up a little at the though, burying his face against his husband's chest.]
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Date: 2016-05-06 06:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-05-06 06:43 am (UTC)I still love you no matter what. There are some things which can never change, some loves which will never fade or be broken.
I have no doubt, none whatsoever, that your mother still loves you and would be happy to welcome you back.
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Date: 2016-05-06 06:45 am (UTC)It's...the madness. She knows of it. I don't want her to be afraid of me.
(It physically hurts him to think of Nerdanel fearing him.)
Thank you for saying so. I would love to see her again, but I can't be selfish, can I?
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Date: 2016-05-06 06:53 am (UTC)[It pains him to see that hurt inside of Tambe. He wishes he could make it all better with a kiss.]
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Date: 2016-05-06 07:06 am (UTC)(Tambë swallows awkwardly.)
It would only be fair to let her make her choice.
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Date: 2016-05-06 07:09 am (UTC)I'll be by your side- no matter what she decides. And I know my mother would welcome you.
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Date: 2016-05-06 07:13 am (UTC)Do you really think so?
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Date: 2016-05-06 07:35 am (UTC)[He smiled softly, looking up at Tambe.]
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Date: 2016-05-06 08:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-05-06 08:29 am (UTC)[He just worried if Fingolfin would have been so accepting. While his father wasn't cruel, there was too much history between him and Feanor.]
I'll stand with you, holding your hand.
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Date: 2016-05-06 08:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-05-06 08:51 am (UTC)He and my mother always told us to go after our hearts and never settle, that even if we couldn't have what or who we wanted, if we settled for something else it would make us unhappy in the end.
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Date: 2016-05-06 09:18 am (UTC)(He shifts closer.) Are you unhappy?
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Date: 2016-05-06 04:32 pm (UTC)My heart is content- I have the one I love the most by my side. I never stopped loving you, I never wanted anyone else.
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Date: 2016-05-06 11:51 pm (UTC)I was never attracted to another. You were the only one I wanted.
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Date: 2016-05-07 03:38 am (UTC)You're the only one I've ever wanted. I knew you were the one- there could be no other for me.
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Date: 2016-05-07 04:38 pm (UTC)(Tambë smirks and toys with Astaldo's hair.)
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Date: 2016-05-08 12:30 am (UTC)[Astaldo admitted as his cheeks flushed.]
I remember one time I tried to look sexy for you with the shoulder of my robe falling down and fell over in the process.
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